Aydan: Hadsiz (Confrontationist) Neslihan, welcome. Since its publication, Hadsiz has been published in almost ten different languages in many countries. In fact, the "Hadsiz" has already begun to cross its own limit. What would you like to say to young people who have not yet crossed their borders but are trying to cross them? How did you transcend the boundaries that were drawn for you in your own life?
N: It depends on where you started... But I'll try to explain. I was born in Okmeydanı. I lived there until I was 6 years old. Then we had to move to Bağcılar. I can say that I grew up in a low-income family, but I had a fulfilling childhood. I was always in the streets and I was a total street kid. That's why I know the "smell of the street" very well. One day, while watching a movie at home with my father, I said "I want to be an actor." I was eight years old. He caressed my head and said, "You will, my daughter." I realized at that moment that he also wanted this but thought that I couldn't do it. Then I decided to follow this desire. I waited until I was 13 years old. I saw that it doesn’t happen by waiting, I decided to do something. I felt that I was late, about life, about taking steps, about standing on my own feet... Then I called “unknown numbers” and got an agency number from there. I called that agency and said, "I want to register with your agency and become an actor." Why am I calling “unknown numbers”, because I don't have internet or a computer at home. This happens at a time when we went to internet cafes or libraries when teachers assigned us homework. After I found out the address of the agency that I was looking for, I said to my mother: “I want to be an actor, will you take me to this agency?”. "Are you sure my daughter?" she said. I said “I am sure, I trust myself and you trust me. Come, let's go”. We went. They accepted me into the agency, but for six months there was no sound from the agency. I was very excited during this process. Every day I was watching a lot of different movies, both local and foreign, on TV or VCD (there was VCD then). In every movie I watched, I was having the feeling of being able to do what the actors did, and perhaps do it better. I felt that if they could do it, I could do it too. During this period, the agency I signed up for did not call me, but I was constantly calling them to remind them of me.
One day, months later, they called me for an audition. I don't know what an audition is, of course. I am 13 years old and I’m thinking that I will go to set. I bought myself new clothes from the market, to not to go to set with old clothes. It turned out to be a trial shoot. I found out that I would not go on set, but I did not lose anything from my excitement and effort. On the one hand, I was going to school and trying to act on my own, on the other hand, I was praying. It was such a passion that nothing else fell into my heart. I was at a point where I was very sure about acting. It is very upsetting when no one believes in you where you live and makes you feel like you are endeavouring for nothing, but I always hung on to what I believed in myself and what I believed also always believed in me. Long story short, we've been through a lot of difficulties surely, but the really important thing here is to stand behind your decision. That's bravery to me. The role that people around me chose for me was not my being an actor. In fact, they didn't believe in themselves, not in me, because they didn't come across an example that would make them believe. I had not met that either, but what I believed in me whispered to me that I could be the example itself. I stubbornly followed what I believed. Everyone needs to discover what is inside them, because that which has been waiting to be recognized, now wants to be recognized. The quickest way to do this is to listen to that voice which their hearts whisper to them and follow what they believe, knowing that they can do it themselves.
Selin: Every month, we host "the confrontationists of their time" in Hadsiz. How do you think they look when seen from outside during their lifetime? How are they evaluated by other people?
N: As crazy. But when I say "crazy" I mean this: If society in general cannot understand what some people are doing or trying to do, they may consider them as "crazy" in their lifetime. But when we look at that day from today, we can see that those who behaved outside the norms of that day created today's norms. All the "Confrontationist people of their time" that we have included in Hadsiz did this during their lifetime because they acted out of the ordinary. They could not fit in their molds, they overflowed from their molds, then they expanded their molds, filled their molds again, overflowed again and expanded their molds again… Now all of them are pioneers. What does a pioneer mean? It means that it is the person who does what has not been done before and who leads. Moreover, they did not only pave the way for the people who lived in their time, but they have shed such a light since then that they still light our path. This is a very precious thing.
Selin: I have one more question that I am very curious about. What would the "confrontationist" people of their time say if they knew what we were doing?
N: You can be sure that they already know. They are all witnesses of everything we do because whatever they did, they did it on purpose. They didn't do it so that I could write a book, write a poem, make an opera, establish the Village Institutes or lead something. They were on the prowl to do the best they could, analysing the period that they lived in a very accurate way and to be beneficial to all humanity, not just one person. Therefore, they knew that everything they did would be appreciated. Almost all the confrontationist people of the time that we hosted in Hadsiz progressed despite all the exclusion, condemnation and hardships, without looking back, just looking forward. They all did what they did that day so that we can talk here today, remember and do better. And we are saying: they did such a service that we will bring a continuation. Maybe we won't say it the way they say it, but we'll find a way to say it again. So be sure that they know. They are happy with this job, this project we do.
